You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize