I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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