you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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