whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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