i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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