NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
