I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
