It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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