ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
