there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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