you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
