Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
