You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
