I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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