I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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