i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
