I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
