Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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