I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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