he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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