very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!