Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
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I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?