The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.