I love black thongs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
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Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.