I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
