i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
