I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
and you fell through a lawn chair
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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