Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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