you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
