I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
