if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
