Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize