tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
