Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
