We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
