Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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