I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
