it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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