The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
