what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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