Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
