...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
