My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
