So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize