Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
