dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
