There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
