did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
