If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
