is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
