What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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