I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
