She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
