I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
