The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
