I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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