Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
