I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
