I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
