Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
