Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
