Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize