Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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