i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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