You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
