if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
