WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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