he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
