We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
