I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
