Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
