They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
