I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
