At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
