idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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