you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
