I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
