Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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